know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
