I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
