I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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