You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
