Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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