im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
