When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
