I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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