Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
