Just fell off a train. Bad.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
