please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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