First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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