the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
