you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
