I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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