Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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