Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
