Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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