a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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