She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
