My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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