Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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