Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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