this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
