Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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