im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
