Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Small penises have feelings too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize