Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize