I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
