What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
