I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
