can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
