Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
