Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
