I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
