I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
