The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
