i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
