You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
