Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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