PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
