there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
