woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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