that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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