Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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