i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
