her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize