How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
