I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
