just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just invented taco cereal.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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