She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Two words: blizzard sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize