sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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