I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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