I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
