Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
