She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
