Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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