I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
