Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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