a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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