oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
