New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
