i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
